Falling in love has to be the sweetest destruction known to her heart. But I took advantage of her. Erica Bay she made me her world. She gave me her heart. She gave me everything. Her whole being was priceless but my arrogant ass treated her cheap. Took her loyalty and betrayed it time and time again. She knew but her love for me was to strong potent like the most addictive drug. Her love for me made her not think straight. A brilliant woman, whom brilliance was being wasted on loving a cheating worthless scum. I took her precious heart and broke it. I wanted to leave for years. I told her numerous times she was too good for me, but that thing they called love wouldn’t allow her to leave. Why is it the good girls love the bad guys. I guess opposites attract because I took a diamond and dragged it in the dirt. I was blessed with her trust when I was the last person on earth who deserved it. It’s eats at my heart on how wrong I did my sweet Erica. I wish I could take all the wrong I did to her back but that’s impossible. I love her, but how could I even say that right. Actions speak louder than words and my actions showed everything but love.

Now my days are spent on drinking cheap liquor to help balance my lows, try to make the pain go away or help forgot it, a temporary solution. But I’m dying slowing painfully I deserve to go out this way. The medication makes it worst but the doctors says I need to take all of them to live. My demons came back to bite me in my ass with no warning. Just woke up one day and felt different. Losing weight, I don’t want to eat. Think of Erica every day since she left. I even tried contacting her. To me she left to late I was a cancer to her life,her heart. The damage I did to her she would never recover from it. If only she seen I wasn’t the one for her from the start but that drug love had her blind. Falling in love is so beautiful, but in Erica case Cupid hit the wrong target. It brings tears to my eyes when I think of her. I just want to apologize a millions time and it still won’t be enough. I just wish I could give her all those years she wasted on me back. Sorry Erica sorry I would say every time I went to sleep hoping I wouldn’t wake up the next morning. I should just stop taking my medication I would probably get my wish, but to tell the truth I wanted to live as long as I could. I wish I could say the same for Erica, because I was at her funeral pouring my heart out of all my regrets in my deep thoughts. I was dressed in all black with shades to cover my bloodshot red eyes. Cried out all my tears wondered if I had any left. Her family and friends didn’t even recognize me I guess the A.I.D.S. did a number on my appearance. The same virus I shared with Erica. The virus I tried to tell her about when I discovered I got it, but when a woman’s fed up she’s fed up. It was around the time she left when I found out. She wouldn’t answer my calls. It was like she disappeared off the face of the earth. She was never at work, the gym, or the places she like spending her time. Her friends hated me so they weren’t any help. I just wanted to tell her what I gave her before it was too late.

I’m here at her funeral so it was too late. I just wanted to say my goodbyes. I see her beautiful mother crying hysterically while Mr. Bay consoled her. Her sisters Maria & Hope held each others while tears drip down they faces soaking each others black dresses. Her brother Victor just stood there staring at Erica casket as if he couldn’t believe she was gone. They hated me, they seen everything in me I wish Erica seen. The dog in me, the disloyalty, stupidity. Erica’s love for me was real and pure. So she accepted me with all my flaws no matter what her family and friends thought. That would be her downfall. I Calvin Williams was her downfall, her total demise. I was there to witness the aftermath I because she now laid in a casket at age 26. I wanted to get up and leave but I felt as if my feet were cemented to the ground where I sat. I felt as all eyes were on me but when I looked around all eyes were on the casket and the person talking at the moment. Paranoia was playing tricks on me. Family and friends each gave their eulogy of the late Erica. I wanted to speak but I know that was a terrible idea.

Then Victor stepped up the podium. Tears finally erupting out of his eyes. He couldn’t stand straight but he got his self together and spoke “Erica was my sister, my lovely sister, an angel with a heart made of gold. She showed everybody love even those who didn’t deserve her love. I lost a sister. We lost a sister, a beautiful human being. She supported me in whatever I did. She was my second mother. I just wish I could tell her I love her again. Hold her again. Pick up my phone and call her for her advice on life, but I can’t do that no more. She gone because a coward she loved inflicted her with A.I.D.S. My sister he murdered my sister. He fucking murdered my sister, my sister, my lovely sister.” Victor then walked to the opened casket and kiss Erica’s cold forehead. “I promise sis when I found him I will kill him with these hands these fucking hands” Victor yelled violently throwing phantom jabs. Mr. Bay ran to his son and held him as he fell to his knees. “It’s okay son, it’s okay” Mr. Bay whispered in Victor’s ear. Fear invaded my whole body because the words Victor said sounded sincere. Lucky me they didn’t recognize me and the pitch black shades helped. Erica’s casket was then carried out of the church into the hearse. I got into my black A6 and followed the cars to the grave. I kept my distance from the crowd as the service continued as family and friends said their goodbyes. I tried to hold myself together but started to lose it as they started lowering Erica and her casket into her six foot hole. I screamed crying out loud. My screams diluted with the other screams. Her parents and siblings all threw roses on top of the casket as it sunk. I slowly walked into the crowd. Then to the casket and dropped a rose on top of the casket. I just stood there. I didn’t move a muscle. I just stared at her casket as her father and brother threw dirt in the hole with a shovel. The crowd started getting smaller and smaller with each minute that passed, but I stayed put. I suddenly felt a pair of hands on my back. I turned around and there stood Victor with a menacing look on his face. With all his force he pushed me. I slowly fell on my back into the six foot hole. Dirt started pouring all over my face then my body. I was being buried alive and I didn’t even fight it. I just laid there. And my last words were “Erica I love you I’m deeply sorry.”